Yesterday I wrote about my appearance on The Surrogacy Lawyer,  which is a radio show hosted by Theresa Erickson Esq.  The show centers around building families the “non-traditional” way – whether through IVF, egg donation, sperm donation, embryo donation, or surrogacy.

What I like about “The Surrogacy Lawyer” is that the show focus’s on all parties that may be involved – whether you are an egg donor, sperm donor, surrogate, embryo donor or a prospective parent.

It was really fun participating yesterday – when we took on the issue of the rights of egg donors, and explored the new documentary “Eggsploitation”.  I was really flattered that the segment was inspired by a series of blogs that I did on the subject that inspired a very vibrant Facebook debate!

If you missed the broadcast yesterday – you can listen now via the pod cast! Don’t you love technology?  Click Here To Listen To The Pod Cast “Who Is Looking Out For The Egg Donor”

Are you interested in the blogs that inspired the debate?

Gird Your Loins and Hold Onto Your Ovaries!

Egg Donation From a Different Perspective

What’s Your Egg Donation Agenda

Do you want to join in on the conversation? You can leave a comment here – but I encourage you to “friend me” on Facebook at PamelaMadsen – or just click the Facebook icon on the page to get connected to me! Inside Facebook – we are are having lots of ongoing conversations about this and so much more! Looking forward to talking with you on line!!!

Posted under "Eggsploitation", Egg Donation, Egg Donor Compensation, IVF, In Vitro Fertilization, Infertility, egg donors

Today over at my SHAMELESS BLOG, I talk about “Saving Room For Dessert”.  It’s really an important topic! Especially when you are in the midst of all the crap that life can throw at you – like infertility. We can get so lost treatment schedules, needles, money issues, and our fear of failure that we can’t think beyond the next moment of possible disappointment.

Sometimes it seems that folks who are going through infertility make more room for getting ready for pain than for pleasure. I get it. I did it. If I did a mental run through of what it would be like to get the call from the nurse telling me that I wasn’t pregnant – if I could just accept that I wasn’t pregnant before I got the call – then perhaps it wouldn’t hurt so much when I did. It was survival tactic – and it kind of worked – sometimes.

I wasn’t much for positive thinking back then – there was just too much hurt.  So I won’t pontificate about how you should cope with the pain of infertility – because it is painful. But I am going to offer up an infertility survival tip – take a short break for pleasure in your life.

I know that you may have to do this with great intention – especially if you are in the midst of your first IVF cycle – or just got some news that you wish didn’t belong to you. But do something nice this weekend – just for pleasure’s sake.  I don’t know what it is. Maybe it is not doing something like cleaning your house. Or maybe it is something grand – like trying out that tasting menu at some fabulous dining spot. Just do it.

If you need to justify it – remember that pleasure reduces stress – and stress reduction is good for conception. By bringing pleasure back into your life you will remind yourself that life is not just about a baby bump – no matter how much you may want it.  But it is always about a beautiful August day, an ice cream cone – and taking a walk on the beach.

Posted under IVF, In Vitro Fertilization, Infertility, conception tips, inspirational thoughts

I haven’t done a round up in a long time – but there is a lot of amazing blogs, cool services, conferences and products that have happened recently – and I want to make sure that you don’t miss them! And I have to be honest – I get so much information in my Facebook News Stream – that I would miss half of what is going on if I wasn’t a member of that community! If you want to jack into my community – I welcome you to add me as a friend or follow me on Twitter @PamelaMadsen.

So here is a taste of what I think is worth noting this week! There are  two great new products in the world of menstruation.  One for young girls who are beginning their menses called “The Dot Girl – First Period Kit”. I have to say that I love this product – and their tag line “Informed Girls – Empowered Women”.  Right on. It’s not that girls need any special kind of kit really for their first period – but the product opens the door for mothers or other significant adults in the young girls world to initiate a conversation with them about getting their first period. I totally support that! Let’s work on making girls comfortable with their bodies right from the start!

For us older women – it’s important to keep track of your cycles. There are so many reasons why women should do that – and it’s not just to be able to tell your gynecologist when the date of your last period is! Don’t you hate that question when you have no clue? Here are some of the reasons that you might want to keep track of your cycles:

1. Its a great way to make friends with your body. Get to know the normal ebb and flow of your hormones – what is normal and what is not.

2. Identify issues early on. If your cycles are irregular that could be a symptom of a larger problem. Keeping track lets you know that.

3.  If you are trying to conceive (TTC) – knowing your cycles will help you in planning your pregnancies – and if you don’t conceive when you expect to conceive – having a record is great information for your doctor!

There are many more reasons why you should know your cycle history – and there is a great new product called  My Cycle Diary that looks really easy and convenient to use. So check it out! And while we are on the subject of menstrual health – Please check out a wonderful organization devoted to this very subject called Rachel’s Well. You will be glad that you did.

In the world women’s reproductive rights – a new “morning after drug” has been approved by the FDA called “Ella”. You can read all about it here.

And on an entirely different note – there are some fabulous blogs out there right now – I love today’s post at The Fertility Daily by Dr. Eli Rybak on Rabbinically Supervised A.R.T. The Orthodox Jewish community has special concerns when they enter the world of assisted reproduction. That is why A. T.I.M.E. was formed – a support group for orthodox couples doing through infertility.  If you are not familiar with A. TIME – check them out – and if you want to learn about “Kosher Fertility Treatment” jack into Dr. Rybak’s blog. I loved it.

Have you ever attended a reproductive health conference? My favorite conference for reproductive health professionals is coming up soon in Atlanta – and it is run by The Association of Reproductive Health Professionals (ARHP).  These folks do it all – fertility, sexuality and birth control.  You can check out the conference details here. I know that I am trying to make it this year!

I could keep going! There is so much going on in the world wide web of reproductive health – but I am going to stop here for now – except to invite you to visit my new website and blog – that focuses on healthy sexuality.  Being Shameless is the place to read my newest blog – learn about my upcoming memoir SHAMELESS. On my new site you can not only jack into the blog  – but you can read an exclusive excerpt from my book, learn about why I wrote it  – and become a part of my community there too! There is lots of Pamela to spread around.  So keep visiting here – every day – and book mark Being Shameless! I hope to see you over there too!

Posted under Advocacy, Body Image, Female Sexual Desire, Fertility, Fertility Advocate's Hot List, Fertility Blogs, Fertility Support, IVF, In Vitro Fertilization, Infertility, Jewish Infertility Support, Rachel's Well, Sex Education, Shameless, conception tips, menstruation, sexual health, sexuality

My son the other day was tapping his fingers on the table. It was a nervous gesture – one that I recognized from 29 years of marriage to his father. It always made me crazy when my husband did that – so of course now – my son does it too.  My sons ages 18 and 22, just like their dad did – are  also losing their hair way too fast (they are still gorgeous)! They are also incredibly bright – funny – verbal and have huge hearts that are displayed every time they carry in groceries for a neighbor without anyone asking. They get that from their dad too.

Genetics is a mixed bag. It has always been. And yet – we want to pass along it all to our children. Our funny nose – and curly hair – the unique mix of us. Eighteen years ago, a fertility technique called intra-cytoplasmic sperm injection, or ICSI, changed the face of reproductive medicine by allowing men that could never become a genetic father overcome male infertility by taking a single sperm and injecting into the egg.  This revolutionary procedure helped countless men become fathers – and it has been estimated that close to a million babies have been born through ICSI since the procedure was developed.

Posted under Fertility, ICSI, IVF Kids, In Vitro Fertilization, Infertility, Sons of ICSI, genetics, male infertility

Time does march on. Elizabeth Carr , America’s first “Test Tube Baby” is all grown up and as reported in papers all over the place – has become a mother of a beautiful little boy.  Yes – she reports – she had her baby “the old fashioned way”. And she talks a lot about what life was like growing up under the micro scope of being a high profile high tech kid.

I first met Elizabeth Carr at a World Fertility Awareness Month  (WFAM) event that I ran as Executive Director and Founder of The American Fertility Association – back in the day. I had created WFAM to have a pink ribbon kind of event for everyone around the world to come together during the month of June to recognize infertility. We gave the logo out to anyone that wanted to use it to raise awareness  on a global scale of infertility, as well as a tool kit for running WFAM events.  It was very successful – and the United Nations offered to host one our celebrations in NYC.

We decided to focus the event around the kids of IVF – something that I was deeply committed to. We had a panel of kids who were “Test Tube” conceived,  talk about how they felt about being an IVF kid. We had Elizabeth Carr, two young ladies from Ireland and my two sons speak. It was a wonderful event.

Here were these kids – talking about how grateful they were for the science that gave them life. But it was also more than that – they spoke with compassion for their parents and the pain that they went through with infertility. These kids wanted other potential parents to know – that it could be alright. That they could be born – that it was possible – and as the saying goes “The Kids Are All Right!”

It was a wonderful day to remember. And when I came across the coverage that sweet, bright, vocal Elizabeth was now a mom – and still speaking out. I was really moved.  My sons, Tyler and Spencer also spoke all over the world about being an IVF kid. And now too – they are IVF men. Tyler has graduated college and has a big boy job. And Spencer will be going off to college in a month.

One day before I know it – I will be a grandmother. And that’s what it’s all about. IVF simply let us join in on this fabulous human experience of having a family.

Congratulations Elizabeth!

Posted under Advocacy, Biological Clock, Elizabeth Carr, Fertility, Fertility Education, Fertility Support, IVF, IVF Kids, In Vitro Fertilization, Infertility, The American Fertility Association, World Fertility Awareness Month, inspirational thoughts

This year marks the 50^th anniversary of the birth control pill which means that I am one of a unique  group of women that was born into a society where birth control was always an option – if you had access and decided to use it – that is.  That is pretty incredible. For me – and for so many other women around the world – it is hard to imagine what life might be like without it.  It’s just not the pill – but the entire revolution that happened for women because of the availability of safe birth control – which seemed to be ushered in by the arrival of The Pill.  Without the fear of pregnancy  many women were finally  able to view sex as an activity that was also for pleasure, intimacy and connection.

And I think it is even more than that – I think that giving women the power to take care of their own reproductive choices – to be able to take The Pill – instead of relying on the man to make the choice  to use or not use a condom also changed forever how women viewed themselves.  Once women were able to take control of their own reproductive lives – they could then plan everything else. And they did.

It’s hard to think about women using lemons, wood and even Lysol for contraception. But those things happened – as well many unplanned pregnancies that changed lives in ways that was not always for the best.

I wonder what kind of  woman I would be if I grew up in a society where birth control was not an option? Would I have become the woman that I am today? It doesn’t matter that I experienced infertility – and in the end didn’t need The Pill – I didn’t know that growing up. I used birth control until I was ready to have a child. Infertility was an unwelcome surprise.

The Pill shaped the culture that I, and so many of us grew up in. We knew as young women that we had the freedom to choose.  We knew because of the availability of birth control – that we could explore our bodies without the fear of unwanted pregnancy – and knowing that created women that simply didn’t exist before that. The arrival of The Pill – shifted society in a way that is still with us.

It’s funny to me that I will be turning fifty right alongside side of The Pill this year.  That realization – that I am a woman who grew up with a complete set of choices when it comes to reproduction – from birth control to IVF - makes me very unique  in the history of womenkind.  I am a woman who chose The Pill to prevent pregnancy – and a woman who needed IVF to have a child.   The medical breakthroughs of the 21st century touched my life in ways that forever changed me – and women like me.  And I am very grateful.

So – Happy Anniversary to “The Pill”.  I get that wishing a contraceptive “Happy Birthday” is kind of an oxymoron.

Posted under "The Pill", IVF, In Vitro Fertilization, Infertility, birth control

Yesterday, I blogged about “Eggsploitation: The Fertility Industry Has a Dirty Little Secret” And then I did what I do – and put it on Facebook and Twitter.  I have all kinds of “friends” – people that I know and don’t know which include many “insiders” in the fertility industry. And  what I saw was the beginning of what has been a gradual self examination practice when it comes to the business of egg donation – and the beginnings of a discussion about how the industry educates egg donors. I would love to help encourage that discussion to continue.

The education of egg donors has been important to me for a very long time.  I may have told this story before – but it is worth telling again.  It also speaks to how money controls public education.  In my day of running patient organizations I had to get funding for all of my educational fact sheets (because there is no federal funding of patient organizations as there exists in some countries like The Netherlands). Getting industry funding for fact sheets at patient organizations is a practice that continues today across the board at many non profits.  Just check the fact sheets – you will see sponsorship listings.  There is no big secret there.

So once upon a time, I wanted to do a fact sheet for potential egg donors – and I asked a big famous doctor at a big famous IVF Center to sponsor it.  I got a big fat yes – and I began the process of writing it. When the doctor got a hold of the fact sheet – he screamed that he was withdrawing the funding because the fact sheet was going to encourage the egg donor to ask too many questions – and answering these questions would take precious time away from the business of running his program.  Would I like to pay him for the time lost in answering egg donor questions that the fact sheet would provoke?

That fact sheet was never created because no one wanted to fund it. It was bad for business.

No matter how conflicted I feel about “Eggsploitation” (you can read their press release here) – especially their portrayal of the egg donor recipient as shown in the trailer on their website, I am glad that The Center For BioEthics and Culture Network produced it. Because while it may be extreme in it’s point of view – it is telling a point of view that needs to be told – and is not being told anywhere else. We need to make room for this perspective on egg donation – because it is real. These young women who are telling their stories are real – even if they don’t represent the majority of the egg donor experiences – it doesn’t make their experience any less valid or important. We need to hear them.

Everyone in the baby making world wants to feel like they are doing the right thing by egg donors, egg donor recipients, and most of all – the children that are created from that match. But money influences the waters. And without egg donor compensation there would be no egg donors. We all know that.

And money influencing the fertility field is not unique to the fertility field – it is a constant factor in every field – that is why big Pharma can’t buy dinner, or even give out pens anymore. We have all begun to acknowledge that fact.  It doesn’t matter how big or how small the donation is – money has this awful habit of controlling things.  And I have no answers – because every one needs money – and money pays the bills to keep the doors open for everyone. Even The Center for Bio Ethics and Culture Network has funders with a point of view.

But I do get disturbed with I see patient organizations with more professional/industry invested board members than patient board members.  And I do get even more disturbed – when I look deeper at who is running the ships – and there is an over abundance of board members in one part of the industry that we as a fertility community depend on for our unbiased information.  It is not that folks who serve in the industry or on non profit boards are evil doers – it is just that we need balance.  And without that balance of professions and areas of interest – there is an  influence in very quiet ways in regard to  the information that the consumer receives.

Yes – it is time for us to go deeper and really look at what information is shared with the consumer – how the information is being positioned – and who in the end – the creation of the educational materials are truly serving.  We must always keep in the front of our brains that consumer education is not marketing.

Posted under Advocacy, Egg Donation, Egg Donor Compensation, Facebook, Fertility, Fertility Blogs, Fertility Education, Fertility Marketing, IVF, In Vitro Fertilization, Infertility, Infertility Funding, egg donors, eggs, patient advocacy

I was reminded just the other day of the concept of “The Wounded Healer” by a fertility blogger named Keiko Zoll. Keiko writes a truly fabulous blog call “Hannah Wept, Sarah Laughed” – and she has been doing this wonderful blog series on being an advocate.  I was truly touched and reminded about my own wounded healer in reading her words in A Belly Full of Fire: The Wounded Healer. Keiko like so many advocates – started her blog out of a desire to express her experience – to fill some unnameable void – to shout into the universe all that was in her heart and in her belly – and in doing so – by speaking with a courageous honesty – she found a community and became a healer. Her words touched hearts and erased the pain of feeling alone  for others. Keiko writes from her gut and  it is that kind of writing – that kind of honesty that touches people.

You don’t need a medical degree to be a healer. You can be a healer by raising money to support a cause  – my colleague and friend Andrea Bryman Lmft is walking to raise money for breast cancer (make a donation here) and recently another colleague and friend Amy Demma was so touched by friend’s struggle with cancer that she has decided to make her facebook status and all manner of communication on Monday’s dedicated to fertility and cancer.  She asked her friends to support her just by talking about the issues (Pam waving at Amy in support). And my husband loves telling this story about a nun who came to our summer house looking for clams to help cure cancer and I just found this piece about her in an old People’s Magazine.  Oh yes – Sister Arline also had fire in her belly.

You see – once you get a fire in your belly – anything is possible.  It is often that place of disbelief, that place at the edge of pain where the most incredible creation and healing can happen.  It was so good to be reminded of that this week. Even this old dog advocate sometimes needs encouragement to keep on keeping on.  You see – its not always fun and games – this place of “Fire in The Belly”.  Sometimes – writing, doing, and change making from the place of the wounded healer can be very vulnerable work.  I remember going on the Joan Lunden Show – my first media appearance with my baby in my arms – to talk about IVF.  I wanted to show that IVF babies were normal and beautiful. I remember how my knees shook – and how scared I was. I was coming out on national television as a woman who had infertility – and had an IVF baby.   My husband and I were so worried that other parents would in some way classify our kid as an IVF  experiment. We were really scared – IVF was so new 20 years ago. But we had a fire in our belly. We needed to talk to get the word out about infertility and the possible solutions.  We needed to show the world that IVF kids were normal. And so I went.  That day was perhaps my first day  as a wounded healer.

Once  you start your first blog,  write your first article, walk your first walk, or do whatever it is that you need to do for your own healing -  you may  find  that you too have taken your first steps on the road of the wounded healer.  It is through that delicious fire in the belly place – that all changes happens. And don’t worry if you sometimes you feel scared and alone.  When you hit that place – just take a breath and know that you are building a bridge for others to walk across.

Thanks Keiko for the reminder.

Posted under Advocacy, Facebook, Fertility, Fertility Blogs, Fertility Support, IVF, In Vitro Fertilization, Infertility, Keiko Zoll, inspirational thoughts

Last Thursday I dropped in on a seminar on egg donation in Argentina.  You see “Cross Border” reproduction,  “Fertility Tourism” or whatever you want to call it works both ways. People come to the United States for fertility treatment because they cannot access certain reproductive technologies  in their countries (such as egg donation and surrogacy) and people leave the United States because they cannot afford to pay for treatment.  It’s kind of wacky – isn’t it? And in all of the coming and going of patients – from one country to the next – has opened a kind of free market among fertility centers to work at attracting them to their centers. I know this. I have done this.

As I sat in the room that Dr. Demian Glujovsky from “Fertility Argentina”  rented in Manhattan – I watched the couples and single women roll in. I introduced myself – I got the feeling that Dr. Glujovsky was not thrilled that I was there. I was not a potential patient. He didn’t offer me any bottled water the way he offered the other maybe 20 people who sat with me and listened to a bit of tourism rolled into low cost baby making.

Did you know that Argentina is famous for tango dancing? We were shown pictures of a beautiful town outside of Buenos Aires where one could go skiing in the winter….or swimming in the summer. Very nice. I was reminded of how the American programs spoke about visiting NYC or Washington DC  to the lovely potential patients in the United Kingdom.

My stomach clenched in the memory. Yep – I think that I even did that at the Fertility Fair in London. Somehow – I was liking it less now. Interesting huh? Mirror, mirror on the wall?

We learned about the time line – how long it would take to make a baby via egg donation the South American way – about three months….The time one would spend in the airplane – about ten hours each way – Dr. Glujovsky assured us that “You can do it!” – and that egg donors were paid modestly and shared 2.6 ways to help reduce the cost.  2.6? I never understand numbers like that. I mean – who gets the .6?  I found myself mentally counting potential off spring from each donor – so if the donor donates 6 times – that is a lot of half sibs in the world….

Potential patients were told that they could count on getting four eggs and two embryos.  Fertility Argentina was not into cryo preservation.  If you didn’t get pregnant – come back. So was it really cheaper after all? I found myself playing with the numbers – I guess it depended on your luck. But what if you were not so lucky – was the price really cheaper then? I wasn’t sure.

I left before the seminar was over. I had heard enough. Dr. Glujovsky seemed like a nice enough man – and reputable enough as well.  His center in Argentina did a tremendous amount of cycles. There was nothing shady going on. No big expose to write.

Certainly flying 20 hours round trip to Argentina – seeing tango dancers – eating good beef and making a baby for less money – was an option.  Just as flying to NYC, seeing a Broadway show, the statue of Liberty of Liberty – and getting access to egg donation with American protocols was also an option for the patients that fly into the US every day to build their families.

So what was bothering me? I have to be honest – I am not really sure.

Perhaps it is that this is necessary at all.  That no matter which way the patients are flying – to the United States or out of the United States – that they are forced to leave their homes to get access to care to build their families. Perhaps it is the commercialization of infertility – the heavy marketing  – the hard sells.  I mean – it used to be that people went to IVF Clinics because they wanted a baby desperately – should we even be talking about museums?  Do other fields of medicine do this? What do you think?

Bottled water anyone?

Posted under "Cross Border Fertility Treatment", Donor Egg, Egg Donation, Egg Donor Compensation, Fertility, In Vitro Fertilization, Infertility, egg donors, eggs

Posted under Dave Kreiner, Dr. Dave Kreiner, Fertility, IVF, In Vitro Fertilization, Infertility, Micro-IVF