What I like about “The Surrogacy Lawyer” is that the show focus’s on all parties that may be involved – whether you are an egg donor, sperm donor, surrogate, embryo donor or a prospective parent.

It was really fun participating yesterday – when we took on the issue of the rights of egg donors, and explored the new documentary “Eggsploitation”.  I was really flattered that the segment was inspired by a series of blogs that I did on the subject that inspired a very vibrant Facebook debate!

If you missed the broadcast yesterday – you can listen now via the pod cast! Don’t you love technology?  Click Here To Listen To The Pod Cast “Who Is Looking Out For The Egg Donor”

Are you interested in the blogs that inspired the debate?

Gird Your Loins and Hold Onto Your Ovaries!

Egg Donation From a Different Perspective

What’s Your Egg Donation Agenda

Do you want to join in on the conversation? You can leave a comment here – but I encourage you to “friend me” on Facebook at PamelaMadsen – or just click the Facebook icon on the page to get connected to me! Inside Facebook – we are are having lots of ongoing conversations about this and so much more! Looking forward to talking with you on line!!!

Program- Thursdays at 11am PDT or

2pm EST

Amy Demma, Prospective Families; Andrea Bryman, LMFT; and Pamela Madsen, The Fertility Advocate: The Eggsploitation Controversy

The filmmakers promote it as “the fertility industry’s dirty little secret.” In the trailer, several former egg donors describe horrific experiences resulting in permanent health damages and how they were lured into making poor decisions with offers of hard to resist compensation. The music, ironically scored by the group Thieves and Liars, is dark and foreboding, reminiscent of a horror film. And the name of the documentary – Eggsploitation – implies its intentions, which is to let the world know about the “trade” in human eggs and “older women with money targeting younger women.”
So is this documentary a wake-up call for the infertility field or is it a narrow-minded attempt to push an agenda, with the truth lying somewhere between the hyperbole and the criticism? The Surrogacy Lawyer Theresa Erickson will explore these issues on Thursday, September 2.

Ms. Erickson will be interviewing three leading infertility and collaborative reproductive specialists, including Andrea Bryman, LMFT, a marriage and family therapist specializing in egg donation and surrogate assessment and support; Amy Demma, a New York attorney and founder of Prospective Families Egg Donation Agency; and Pamela Madsen, infertility blogger and patient advocate who wrote several posts about the movie on her blog The Fertility Advocate that steamrolled into a lively Facebook discussion.

“We are excited to have the opportunity to move the robust discussion that started on Facebook into the real-time, interactive realm of radio, “ says attorney Erickson. “As a former egg donor during college and now as a third party reproduction professional who has dedicated my career to this field, I want to insure that the absolute best practices are established for the welfare of both egg donors and parents via egg donation. So regardless of the public’s or field’s perceptions of the documentary, I am glad we have this chance to move the discussion forward.

CLICK HERE TO TUNE IN:

The research is out of the University of of Illinois at Urbana-Chapaign where they have studied mice that had been specially bred to be infertile because they lack an enyme needed to make the omega 3 acid DHA. These mice were able to make a few sperm – but not enough to make baby mice.  But when these little critters were feed a diet rich with Omega 3 DHA – there fertility was completely restored.

Lox on a bagel anyone?

This campaign focuses on an age old problem that has haunted people with infertility since the beginning of time – it is a disease of shame and shaming.  And what I know about shame is that it creates silence. When you are in a place of shame – what you are saying “Please do not notice me”.

And if people suffering with infertility are not noticed – then we will not get the health care that we need. That is what ACT UP was all about. It was getting people who have hid in the shadows to come out and be seen – and a cure.  It is way past raising awareness – it is about taking away the problem.

So how do we create a Shameless community that is willing to not only educate and raise awareness but demand health care coverage and a cure? That is  truly the question.  We all know that shame breeds silence – and silence allows for inaction.

Barbara Collura, Executive Director of RESOLVE wants everyone to take a pledge to raise infertility awareness. Okay – that sounds good. I have been doing that for 20 years – and yet when I recently allowed one of my blogs to be reprinted on a website that has varied content called Carnalnation – my blog was FLAMED.  Now this website has EVERYTHING on it  – and the readers decide to shame infertility? That should tell you something about how so many people view infertility! Do you want to see shaming and ignorance at it’s best? Go check out the comments.  Are these the kind of comments that keeps  many in the closet? I didn’t respond to even one of them to try to raise awareness. I thought about it several times – but I just didn’t have the strength to wrestle with ignorance.

Let’s face it – it is risky for anyone to go out there – and talk about infertility. There are people who still feel that people who  are struggling with infertility are selfish, narcissistic wanna be breeders and that the government should not do anything to help them – as there are more important issues at hand. You know – like world peace.

And world peace is important. But I can’t help but remember what a Rabbi said once to me – what he said was that when you help one family – you are saving a world. Because for that family – it is their world.

So – how brave are you? Are you ready to take the pledge? Are you ready to save the world? One world? Start a blog.  Make noise on Facebook – Twitter with a #Infertility in your message.  Respond to the comments on CarnalNation.com!!!

And by the way  – if you just don’t have the strength – I get it.

This was the days before blogs, twitter, and facebook.  Everything has now changed through the world of social media. Now everyone can tell their story – for the same reasons that I told mine. And they don’t even have to give their true identity up if they don’t want to! They can still be heard. Today’s bloggers, tweeters and facebook posters are raising awareness about infertility in a way that we could only have dreamed about ten years ago. And they are doing it for many of the same reasons that I spoke out so many years ago.

I started my role as an advocate because of my need to give myself a voice as a patient and it was that need that helped me become a voice for thousands.  And now – there are hundreds of advocates out there in cyber ether! And we are communicating with each other with lightening speed. It is amazing – and the support, education and advocacy that is going on from lap tops all over the world simply blows my mind. There are so many different voices coming together – working with each other – sharing points of views and opinions in a way that used to be reserved only for occasional meetings of self appointed important “players” in the field of reproductive medicine. Just like the closing of video rental stores around the country – with days of an exclusive club of change makers are over.

You want to know what is going on in the world of reproductive medicine, fertility, infertility and sexuality – jack into the blogs – get yourself a tweeter account – and a facebook profile. That is where the change is happening. And you can start by friending and following me.  This world of social media and on line education, support and advocacy is exploding! Connect with it today – there are lots of seats at the table – and all are welcome!

“What are you talking about – what is that? Is that some off shoot of a horse or dog whisper? Is that a good thing?” I asked.

“Pammy – Let’s be real here. You are a pro at anything below the waist on women! Whether it is fertility, infertility or sexuality - you know how to talk about it in a way that people (especially women) understand.  You calm them – and are able to make women laugh at themselves – you know just how to get people not only to  listen, but to talk about all of the things that they are too frightened and blocked by shame to discuss freely with other people.  My dear – own it – you ARE a “Vagina Whisperer”.

Okay – that is some title – and I wondered if there was a truth to it – was there  such a thing as”Vagina Whispers”? Is that a new breed of female reproductive health educators out there that are talking to women about all manner of things that occur below the waist – in  a way that is new? In a way that women can truly get? So who are they?

I sat a bit with this idea – and the names of women that I would call “Vagina Whispers” came to me: Dr. Christiane Northrup, Alisa Vitti, Betty Dodson, Ellen Heed and Gail Sheehy came immediately to mind. These women were advocates, authors, sex educators, and physicians – yet they were all Vagina Whisperers. As I thought about the title – it grew on me.  There are so many ways that we each can hold that role for women – do you have any other nominations?

It’s not that we don’t know that most of us are born with ovaries, fallopian tubes, uterus, cervix, vagina and a vulva – MOST of us know that – it’s just that we don’t truly have a picture of our body parts in our heads that is real and authentic.  A big part of that is the reality that a woman’s sexual and reproductive parts are mostly internal.  And frankly, medical drawings are just not the same as seeing what we really have inside.  If woman are truly to get to know themselves - and embrace their bodies – we need more contact with our own bodies.

I have written again and again about the trend among some women to have their inner labia “shortened” to look “prettier” and “neater”.  And I will keep writing about it – because it makes me crazy. Did you ever hear of a man having his penis shortened?  And, by whose standards is a shorter labia prettier? The only images that many women see of other women’s vulvas is in erotic photographs that are displayed in magazines such as “Playboy”.  So, millions of women are seeing “photo shopped” and clipped inner labias that fit with someone else’s esthetic – and not necessarily  seeing the diversity in inner labia size. So, they end up thinking that their inner labia is ugly – instead of embracing themselves as beautiful, unique and sexy.

There have been a few photo books of vulva’s that have become available – and I have recently heard of a new one that is about to be released called “Heart of The Flower” – a book about how women feel about their vulva’s with pictures. These books are important for young girls – so that they can grow up feeling beautiful and comfortable with the diversity of a women’s gentila. These books are not pornography – they are written to give women a sense of themselves as sexual beings – with the hope of making them feel more comfortable in their own bodies.  I think that one of these books would be a great gift from a mother to a daughter.

Recently, I came across a wonderful website called “My Beautiful Cervix”. It is a daily photo journal that a mid wife took of her own cervix. I found it fascinating. I had never seen pictures of a cervix during an entire menstrual cycle.  And, I found that I had to get used to looking at what a cervix looked liked. I paid attention to my own emotional reactions. What did I think about how her cervix looked? Could I imagine what mine looked like? I had actually never seen my own cervix. Lots of other people had! My God, I had spent years in fertility treatment! You would think that some one in all of that time would have handed me a mirror!

While Conceive Magazine also had a great piece in their Winter 2009 Edition called “Your Cycle Explained” which talked the reader through the changes in a woman’s body through one month’s cycle – seeing the photos and the mid wife’s description on “My Beautiful Cervix” – really brought it all home to me. And created a desire in me to actually do more than touch my own cervix – but to see it and make friends with it!

We need to offer women more than medical sketches. We need to offer them the opportunity to look freely at images of other women – and at their own bodies. It is only through seeing and knowing what are the normal variations  – that we will become loving and accepting of ourselves.

And if we wish to become Mother’s…..what greater gift can we give our children. Love, acceptance and celebration get passed on…..just as easily as shame.

But I worry about the chemicals – and when I was trying to conceive and pregnant – coloring my hair was a real guilt trip for me.  Just so you know – I colored! I have written before about the health concerns of cosmetics – and it is a relief to know that products are finally coming to the market that support us in feeling beautiful without endangering our health.

For instance – now you can let go of the guilt and the gray! There is a new vegan, plant-based hair products from Advanced Cosmetic Technologies which permanently colors hair without the harsh chemicals. Yes it is true – there is no bleach, peroxide, ammonia and parapbens – you can keep your gray hidden while you are TTC and pregnant!

You can order on line here. Tell them that The Fertility Advocate sent you!

I guess that this marketing trend has come from the mix of hotels needed to increase their bottom line and research that has shown that reducing stress can help conception rates.

First launched by Westin St. John in the U.S. Virgin Islands in August of 2006, the vacation concept continues to be picked up by hotels and resorts everywhere. And if you have the money – I think it is a great idea to get away with your beloved – to concentrate on being a couple and loving each other! If the goal is conception – great! But the taking the time to go away – with nothing on your minds but loving each other and taking care of each other is always a great idea! We will never know if these types of baby making get a ways actually make babies until these guys report to the CDC and SART! So just for the fun of it….

Here are some Baby Making Destinations! Check them out – perhaps some time away will help you conceive a new lease on your relationship – and who knows what else?

Westin Grand Bahama Island Our Lucaya Resort offers marine plant potion and beta carotene-packed soup! Apparently a special fertility blend!

Five Gables Inn & Spa in St. Michaels, Maryland offers a “Birds and Bee’s Package” which really sounds like fun. Couples who purchase the package get a couple’s massage, a certificate for wine and oysters at a local restaurant, a pair of heart-dotted boxers, and two nights in one of the hotel’s suites, which have whirlpools and showers large enough for two.

The Marco Island Marriott Beach Resort in Marco Island, Florida, has the “Fertile Turtle” package, which includes a room with gulf views, a king-size bed and a private balcony. The hotel also keeps guests supplied with fertility-enhancing red clover and raspberry teas, and incorporates a massage with chaste berry, which is purported to help stimulate the pituitary gland and boost fertility. I just want to be able to call up and say “Book me for the “Fertile Turtle”!!!

The Hilton Short Hills Hilton in Short Hills NJ offers the “Blissful in Bed” package–which allows you to rent unlimited amounts of movies (not sure about this feature – are they sexy movies?), late checkout and a candlelit bath.  I think that the “Naughty Nights” package is more to the point – offering couples–in-room massage, and room service of Champagne and oysters.

Sometimes it seems that folks who are going through infertility make more room for getting ready for pain than for pleasure. I get it. I did it. If I did a mental run through of what it would be like to get the call from the nurse telling me that I wasn’t pregnant – if I could just accept that I wasn’t pregnant before I got the call – then perhaps it wouldn’t hurt so much when I did. It was survival tactic – and it kind of worked – sometimes.

I wasn’t much for positive thinking back then – there was just too much hurt.  So I won’t pontificate about how you should cope with the pain of infertility – because it is painful. But I am going to offer up an infertility survival tip – take a short break for pleasure in your life.

I know that you may have to do this with great intention – especially if you are in the midst of your first IVF cycle – or just got some news that you wish didn’t belong to you. But do something nice this weekend – just for pleasure’s sake.  I don’t know what it is. Maybe it is not doing something like cleaning your house. Or maybe it is something grand – like trying out that tasting menu at some fabulous dining spot. Just do it.

If you need to justify it – remember that pleasure reduces stress – and stress reduction is good for conception. By bringing pleasure back into your life you will remind yourself that life is not just about a baby bump – no matter how much you may want it.  But it is always about a beautiful August day, an ice cream cone – and taking a walk on the beach.