It was not such a long time ago when there were only a few voices in the world of infertility that were recognized fertility advocates. My voice was one of them of those lone few.  If the media wanted to know the patient perspective on anything in the world of trying to conceive they were usually sent to me – or a handful of others who were willing to be “out” about infertility.

This was the days before blogs, twitter, and facebook.  Everything has now changed through the world of social media. Now everyone can tell their story – for the same reasons that I told mine. And they don’t even have to give their true identity up if they don’t want to! They can still be heard. Today’s bloggers, tweeters and facebook posters are raising awareness about infertility in a way that we could only have dreamed about ten years ago. And they are doing it for many of the same reasons that I spoke out so many years ago.

I started my role as an advocate because of my need to give myself a voice as a patient and it was that need that helped me become a voice for thousands.  And now – there are hundreds of advocates out there in cyber ether! And we are communicating with each other with lightening speed. It is amazing – and the support, education and advocacy that is going on from lap tops all over the world simply blows my mind. There are so many different voices coming together – working with each other – sharing points of views and opinions in a way that used to be reserved only for occasional meetings of self appointed important “players” in the field of reproductive medicine. Just like the closing of video rental stores around the country – with days of an exclusive club of change makers are over.

You want to know what is going on in the world of reproductive medicine, fertility, infertility and sexuality – jack into the blogs – get yourself a tweeter account – and a facebook profile. That is where the change is happening. And you can start by friending and following me.  This world of social media and on line education, support and advocacy is exploding! Connect with it today – there are lots of seats at the table – and all are welcome!

Posted under Fertility, Fertility Education, Social Media, infertiity

Just the other day – a colleague of mine called me – a “Vagina Whisperer”.  I laughed so hard I almost fell over.

“What are you talking about – what is that? Is that some off shoot of a horse or dog whisper? Is that a good thing?” I asked.

“Pammy – Let’s be real here. You are a pro at anything below the waist on women! Whether it is fertility, infertility or sexuality - you know how to talk about it in a way that people (especially women) understand.  You calm them – and are able to make women laugh at themselves – you know just how to get people not only to  listen, but to talk about all of the things that they are too frightened and blocked by shame to discuss freely with other people.  My dear – own it – you ARE a “Vagina Whisperer”.

Okay – that is some title – and I wondered if there was a truth to it – was there  such a thing as”Vagina Whispers”? Is that a new breed of female reproductive health educators out there that are talking to women about all manner of things that occur below the waist – in  a way that is new? In a way that women can truly get? So who are they?

I sat a bit with this idea – and the names of women that I would call “Vagina Whispers” came to me: Dr. Christiane Northrup, Alisa Vitti, Betty Dodson, Ellen Heed and Gail Sheehy came immediately to mind. These women were advocates, authors, sex educators, and physicians – yet they were all Vagina Whisperers. As I thought about the title – it grew on me.  There are so many ways that we each can hold that role for women – do you have any other nominations?

Posted under Infertility, Self Image, Sex, Sex Education, Shameless, Vagina Whisperer, sexual health, sexuality

I don’t love gray roots. I am talking hair here – not plants.  I am not one of those fantastic looking women with gray hair.  You know the ones that pull off that look so superbly? The rest of us just look like we have Brillo on our heads. And that skunk line is something to also be avoided at all costs!

But I worry about the chemicals – and when I was trying to conceive and pregnant – coloring my hair was a real guilt trip for me.  Just so you know – I colored! I have written before about the health concerns of cosmetics – and it is a relief to know that products are finally coming to the market that support us in feeling beautiful without endangering our health.

For instance – now you can let go of the guilt and the gray! There is a new vegan, plant-based hair products from Advanced Cosmetic Technologies which permanently colors hair without the harsh chemicals. Yes it is true – there is no bleach, peroxide, ammonia and parapbens – you can keep your gray hidden while you are TTC and pregnant!

You can order on line here. Tell them that The Fertility Advocate sent you!

Posted under Fertility, Fertility Tips

It can be so much fun being a fertility and sex educator. I get all of these fabulous press releases every day in my email – samples of all kinds of things to try from lube to ovulation predictor kits! The latest press release vying for my attention was a  fun new quiz put together by the experts at STDTestExpress. The quiz is designed to invoke some laughs, but also remind everyone howimportant it is take care of your sexual health.

Questions range from basic STD statistics to the best ways to make sure you’re not another one of those stats. When finished, your score will tell you if you’re the sexual health know it all  you think you are or if your lack of knowledge will have potentially hurt your own health, your future fertility or your unsuspecting sexual partner. Many people do not know Sexually Transmitted Diseases is one of the leading causes of infertility. So if you are trying to conceive – and you have not been tested – please do it. It’s easy – in fact you can do it at home!

So…Are You A Sexual Health Guru? Take the Quiz and find out! I wonder what is coming in the mail next?

Posted under Fertility, Infertility, Sex, Sexually Transmitted Diseases, sexual health, sexuality

This year marks the 50^th anniversary of the birth control pill which means that I am one of a unique  group of women that was born into a society where birth control was always an option – if you had access and decided to use it – that is.  That is pretty incredible. For me – and for so many other women around the world – it is hard to imagine what life might be like without it.  It’s just not the pill – but the entire revolution that happened for women because of the availability of safe birth control – which seemed to be ushered in by the arrival of The Pill.  Without the fear of pregnancy  many women were finally  able to view sex as an activity that was also for pleasure, intimacy and connection.

And I think it is even more than that – I think that giving women the power to take care of their own reproductive choices – to be able to take The Pill – instead of relying on the man to make the choice  to use or not use a condom also changed forever how women viewed themselves.  Once women were able to take control of their own reproductive lives – they could then plan everything else. And they did.

It’s hard to think about women using lemons, wood and even Lysol for contraception. But those things happened – as well many unplanned pregnancies that changed lives in ways that was not always for the best.

I wonder what kind of  woman I would be if I grew up in a society where birth control was not an option? Would I have become the woman that I am today? It doesn’t matter that I experienced infertility – and in the end didn’t need The Pill – I didn’t know that growing up. I used birth control until I was ready to have a child. Infertility was an unwelcome surprise.

The Pill shaped the culture that I, and so many of us grew up in. We knew as young women that we had the freedom to choose.  We knew because of the availability of birth control – that we could explore our bodies without the fear of unwanted pregnancy – and knowing that created women that simply didn’t exist before that. The arrival of The Pill – shifted society in a way that is still with us.

It’s funny to me that I will be turning fifty right alongside side of The Pill this year.  That realization – that I am a woman who grew up with a complete set of choices when it comes to reproduction – from birth control to IVF - makes me very unique  in the history of womenkind.  I am a woman who chose The Pill to prevent pregnancy – and a woman who needed IVF to have a child.   The medical breakthroughs of the 21st century touched my life in ways that forever changed me – and women like me.  And I am very grateful.

So – Happy Anniversary to “The Pill”.  I get that wishing a contraceptive “Happy Birthday” is kind of an oxymoron.

Posted under "The Pill", IVF, In Vitro Fertilization, Infertility, birth control

A colleague of mine sent me a link to “Eggsploitation: The Fertility Industry Has a Dirty Little Secret” late last night – her email simply had the link – and word “WOW”.

I sat watching with my mouth looking like a bass fish  – open and gaping – as several young women told their horrifying story of being an egg donor in the United States. They spoke of feeling enticed by the money into donating their eggs – the poor explanations of what they could experience – and the tragedy of the complications that they unexpectedly faced as egg donors. The trailers on the website are riveting – and appalling.

It is certainly not a view – that recipient couples, egg donor coordinators, fertility specialists, and egg donor agencies will likely be comfortable seeing. But does that make it any less valid an exploration?

That is the struggle that those of us who live inside the fertility “industry” really have to grapple with.  So often – when these types of images of the fertility field are presented – we shout “foul play”! We pound our chests – and blog our hearts out about how unfair the media is to our field. You can hear us shout that
the entire story is never told – that the world of infertility is highly sensationalized  and distorted in order to sell magazines – or this evening news story.

Quite frankly – there is a great deal of truth in that opinion and outrage.  Frankly – even in the title of the documentary – calling the experience of egg donors a “dirty little secret’ is beyond over of the top. But the producers of the film  are marketing a documentary! If there is no dirty little secret – why buy a ticket?

And there will be people who will watch the clips – and perhaps even go see the documentary – who will come out drawing an analogy of these young women to aviation safety records – “You know – airplanes land safely every day across the country – thousands of them – and you never hear about that! But if ONE plane goes down – boy does that make the news!”  That’s because there is tragedy when even one airplane goes down – and we need to hear about it.

That is how I feel about “Eggsploitation” even where it fails in it’s own sensationalism. I am still wanting to hear the stories of these young women. It’s that important.  Look -  I didn’t like the trailer featuring the “experts” who said that egg donation is about rich older women taking advantage of younger women with good eggs. That is really horse shit – and shows a complete lack of understanding about the women who need donor egg.  I have never met a woman who needs donor eggs who is anything but grateful to donors. And the majority of the women who need donor egg are not rich.  That characterization was frankly wrong and horrifying – and in my mind brings down the messages that perhaps “Eggsploitation” is trying to get out.

We have to be very, very careful – with the young women who step up to donate their eggs.  We need to be careful about donor compensation being so high that young women feel enticed. We have to do a better job educating donors about the risks of egg donation – no matter how good everyone in the fertility field feels they are already doing it – we will have to do it better. These young women are making what I call “life time decisions” when they decide to donate their eggs. Even when their cycles go perfectly well (and most of them do) – these young women are giving up their genetic material forever – and exposing their bodies to a lot of unknowns in the process at a very young age.  That is simply real.

And we all have to cop to the fact – that no matter how careful we are – no matter how much time is spent – and how carefully these young women are consented and educated in the best of circumstances – people make all kinds of informed  decisions – for all kinds of reasons.

And sometimes – things just don’t go as planned.  And all we are left with is regret, pain and anger.

Posted under Egg Donation, Egg Donor Compensation, Fertility, egg donors, eggs, infertiity

I was reminded just the other day of the concept of “The Wounded Healer” by a fertility blogger named Keiko Zoll. Keiko writes a truly fabulous blog call “Hannah Wept, Sarah Laughed” – and she has been doing this wonderful blog series on being an advocate.  I was truly touched and reminded about my own wounded healer in reading her words in A Belly Full of Fire: The Wounded Healer. Keiko like so many advocates – started her blog out of a desire to express her experience – to fill some unnameable void – to shout into the universe all that was in her heart and in her belly – and in doing so – by speaking with a courageous honesty – she found a community and became a healer. Her words touched hearts and erased the pain of feeling alone  for others. Keiko writes from her gut and  it is that kind of writing – that kind of honesty that touches people.

You don’t need a medical degree to be a healer. You can be a healer by raising money to support a cause  – my colleague and friend Andrea Bryman Lmft is walking to raise money for breast cancer (make a donation here) and recently another colleague and friend Amy Demma was so touched by friend’s struggle with cancer that she has decided to make her facebook status and all manner of communication on Monday’s dedicated to fertility and cancer.  She asked her friends to support her just by talking about the issues (Pam waving at Amy in support). And my husband loves telling this story about a nun who came to our summer house looking for clams to help cure cancer and I just found this piece about her in an old People’s Magazine.  Oh yes – Sister Arline also had fire in her belly.

You see – once you get a fire in your belly – anything is possible.  It is often that place of disbelief, that place at the edge of pain where the most incredible creation and healing can happen.  It was so good to be reminded of that this week. Even this old dog advocate sometimes needs encouragement to keep on keeping on.  You see – its not always fun and games – this place of “Fire in The Belly”.  Sometimes – writing, doing, and change making from the place of the wounded healer can be very vulnerable work.  I remember going on the Joan Lunden Show – my first media appearance with my baby in my arms – to talk about IVF.  I wanted to show that IVF babies were normal and beautiful. I remember how my knees shook – and how scared I was. I was coming out on national television as a woman who had infertility – and had an IVF baby.   My husband and I were so worried that other parents would in some way classify our kid as an IVF  experiment. We were really scared – IVF was so new 20 years ago. But we had a fire in our belly. We needed to talk to get the word out about infertility and the possible solutions.  We needed to show the world that IVF kids were normal. And so I went.  That day was perhaps my first day  as a wounded healer.

Once  you start your first blog,  write your first article, walk your first walk, or do whatever it is that you need to do for your own healing -  you may  find  that you too have taken your first steps on the road of the wounded healer.  It is through that delicious fire in the belly place – that all changes happens. And don’t worry if you sometimes you feel scared and alone.  When you hit that place – just take a breath and know that you are building a bridge for others to walk across.

Thanks Keiko for the reminder.

Posted under Advocacy, Facebook, Fertility, Fertility Blogs, Fertility Support, IVF, In Vitro Fertilization, Infertility, Keiko Zoll, inspirational thoughts

I love studies!  And the newest one to make a wave over the media is that women  in their 30s and 40s are more willing to have lots of different kinds of sex as their biological clock ticks down.  Who knew that declining fertility was an aphrodisiac?

The study looked at women ages 27 to 45 – and called this behavior of women engaging in one night stands, and “adventurous bedroom behavior”   in response to their declining fertility “reproductive expediting”! As my mother would say “So that’s what they are calling it these days?”

“Our findings suggest that women don’t need to necessarily go ‘baby crazy’ in their 30s or go around thinking they’re supposed to be having a ’sexual peak,’” said study researcher Judith Easton, a psychology graduate student at the University of Texas at Austin.

“Our results suggest there is nothing special about the 30s, but that instead these behaviors manifest in all women with declining fertility,” Easton said. “It may be more difficult to conceive past the age of 35, but our research suggests women’s psychology will continue to motivate them to try until menopause.”

The researchers recruited 827 women from the University of Texas at Austin and from Craigslist.com. Most of the participants, 661, had no children.

Okay – stop here. Most of the participants had NO CHILDREN!!!!  Maybe – and this is just a theory here – these women wanted more sex as they got older because they were more comfortable with their bodies – knew more about what they wanted sexually – and they had no children so they were not exhausted and could actually have sexual desire!!  Or maybe – as the study concludes – they were “reproductive expediting”! We all have our theories….

The women were split into three groups: high fertility (ages 18 to 26); low fertility (27 to 45): and menopausal (46 and up). The respondents answered an online questionnaire about their sexual attitudes and behavior.

-Compared with the other groups, women in the low-fertility group were more likely to experience:

-Frequent sexual fantasies

-Thoughts about sexual activities

-More intense sexual fantasies than their younger counterparts

-A more active sex life and willingness to have a one-night stand

-A greater willingness to have casual sex

So maybe this is a biological thing – as the researchers suggest. That with declining fertility – a woman’s sex drive kicks into over drive in some wild biological response to filling our wombs.  But I will stick with my theory around these results.  Older women – with no children – have the time, energy, and self confidence to explore their sexuality.  I think women just get sexier with time!

Posted under Fertility, Reproductive Expediting, Self Image, Sex, sexual health, sexuality

There is so much “New Age” speak out there – about how we are supposed to live our lives fully.  There are instruction manuals, guides, talking heads, and even songs.  And sometimes, I truly want to roll my eyes.  But there are several parts of this new age renaissance that totally draws me in. And my favorite is “Living Your Life’s True Purpose”.  Now – according to me – it doesn’t matter where you are in life – you could be in the midst of a crisis – a road block – or a break down.  But I think that you can still be in the midst of all of those things – and be right where you are supposed to be.

A few days ago I am met with a woman who is making a documentary about infertility and then another had another meeting with another woman who is launching a new website for infertility. I love people who create.  Who generate positive energy into the world. Who knows if their projects will be successful or not. I hope so. But in a way – it really doesn’t matter exactly how their projects turn out in a commerical way – what is really important is that they are “doing it”. And they are all doing it in the midst of all of the craziness in their lives.  Everybody has heart ache and challenges – it is how we work with them that matters. Do we continue to go around and around in the same circle or do we try something different? I am all about trying something different! Circles make me dizzy!

I need to move forward – even if moving forward isn’t always comfortable. And perhaps that is a part of living a purpose driven life – we have to be willing to stay with discomfort too.

A friend of mine just sent me this gathering of inspirations taken from one of Oprah’s Newsletter. It is a truly wondering gathering of inspirational ideas of open to your life’s purpose.

Posted under Fertility

I am getting ready for photo shoot – don’t be overly impressed.  It’s not for Glamour Magazine or anything. It is for the “Author” picture for the book jacket for my upcoming book – SHAMELESS.

So – I am doing things like getting my nails polished (bright red) and my hair colored (cause I am getting a little gray around the edges!).  And every time I do this kind of “girl stuff” – I always think about to this environmental conference that I attended….

You see – several years ago, I spoke as the representative patient voice at an environmental conference for fertility at San Francisco University. I remember looking out into the audience – a group of doctors, scientists and researchers that studied the environmental effects of the world around us on our health.  I remember being stunned by the grey hair – the lack of nail polish and make up! These folks did not use many of the every day products that most of use without thinking – because they knew the health effects of those products - and they didn’t want them!

Yet very little is still written about the environmental effect of the every day products that we use on our fertility.  Many of us use all kinds of lotions, cremes and expose ourselves to countless concoctions every day which contain an incredible of synthetic chemicals.  We do this often without a thought about how these chemicals could be adversely affecting our overall health and our fertility. The fact is that most of us would be horrified to learn that many of the products that we apply directly to our skin are made from the same harsh chemicals used in industry, and are known hormone disruptor’s for both men and women.

For example, I recently learned that a product called propylene glycol is a solvent used in hair care products, make up and deodorants. It is also the main ingredient in antifreeze and certain types of brake fluid!!  Now, if that does not get your attention – I don’t know what will!

How could this be? Well, in our current state of affairs, only new chemicals by law have to be assessed for their effect on our health, which amounts to no more than 3% of those in everyday use. There are activists here in the United States and around the world that are working to change the laws – but that means going up against industry and lobbyists – so it may take a good long time before all the chemicals in the products that we use on a daily basis will be completed evaluated for use on human bodies!

And the fact is that daily exposures to harmful chemicals add up!  And it is this daily tank up on harmful chemicals that could really be impacting us. Like most things – only doing something  once in a while won’t impact our health. But it is the constant used of these products that come to us in so many different every day forms, that can accumulate in the body and ultimately effect our over all health, including our fertility and the pre conception health of our children.

No one can under estimate the importance of pre conception health.  Whether it is our body weight, our diet, our habits such as smoking and drug use. And for those people who are in the fertility trenches trying to conceive – this constant vigilance can feel so painfully extended. I get that – I really do. But pre conception health is something that you can do something about and it is something that you can be in control of! So use your pre conception time wisely! Consider undertaking a detox program to assist your body in getting  rid of our everyday accumulated toxins. Studies have shown that detoxing can help our bodies regain our natural hormonal balance – and for men who have been adversely effected by industrial toxins and see an improvement in sperm levels.

So, how do you do this? Some of this is common sense. Check out the basic products that you put in your mouth and on your skin on a daily basis. Think about such common items as tooth paste, mouth wash, soap, deodorant, body lotions, make up, nail polish and hair products. Have you ever read the ingredients? Can you understand them?

So I have been reading around – and here are a few of the tidbits that I have found when it comes to the kind of chemicals that are we exposing ourselves to, that can especially effect our fertility and the health of our unborn children.

In 1989 the Australian Occupational Safety and Health Administration analysed nearly 3,000 chemicals used in personal care products. 884 of the ingredients were found to be toxic with 218 of these products found to cause reproductive problems and 314 found to have some effect birth defects in humans!

It is amazing that more information is not out there in Reproductive Endocrinologist’s waiting rooms about this! But who would fund it? Is not a wonder that more people don’t know about this?

Here is a list that I found of the most common offenders – check out the products that you use on a daily basis. If they contain these chemicals – I would ditch them. I did.

Parabens are mostly likely found in body care products. Parabens have been found hanging out in human breast tissue and evidence suggests they can act as oestrogen making them a hormone disrupting chemical in both men and woman. Propyl parabenhas been shown to adversely affect male reproductive functions. At the daily intake level currently acceptable by our govenment it was found to decrease sperm production.

Phthalates are hormone disruptors and apparently they do not have to be listed on labels. They are most often found in perfumes, musks and fragrances. Phthalates have been shown to have a relationship with low sperm counts and some studies have shown that they can also cause sexual abnormalities and deformities.  According to a survey by the CDC,  women with the highest levels of Phthalates were also women of reproductive age. Phthalates can also be found in hair spray, make up, nail polish, shampoo and soap! In high levels they are linked to reproductive and fertility problems in women.

Triclosan is another endocrine disruptor which can be found in soaps, toothpastes, body washes and those instant antibacterial hand washes. You may be clean…..

Talc is found which is found in baby, face and body powders as well as the dusting on condoms! Which means that it can put directly applied to women’s reproductive organs! Talc is a known carcinogen, and has been link with ovarian cancer when used in the genital area. So why is it still found on condoms?

This is still a partial list.  If you are interested in learning more – please check out Our Stolen Future.

Remember, that environmental toxins such as manicures, hair dye, and what we can find in certain brands of toothpaste – can truly impact our over all health and our reproductive potential. There are replacement products available! We just have to learn how to be educated consumers – we have to get the information so that we can make informed choices. We live in an age where there is natural body care products available almost every where!

Many couples are diagnosed every day with unexplained infertility. Yet we know that stress, diet, lifestyle and environmental toxins can have an effect on fertility. Who knows if changes in these areas in a couple’s life can be the difference between infertility and fertility?

Posted under Fertility, fertility evaluations, infertiity