the fertility advocate

Talking, writing, educating, and change making in the field of fertility for more than twenty years

Not Your Mother's Sex Education – Or What Are You Doing For Valentine's Day?

So…just a few days ago I wrote a commentary on The New York Times Magazine cover story “What Is Female Desire?” - if you didn’t read the NYT’s piece – click the link and check it out. It is worth reading! So is my commentary which you can find here! Yes…Yes…I am getting around to something!! The bottom line is that “we” women folk as a group are not as in touch with our bodies or our desires as we could be! If you don’t believe me, read the research! And when I talk about desires…I am talking about what turns us on! What lights our fire!!

Many of us have a disconnect between our sexual souls and our physical bodies – and that just gets worse when we are dealing with any kind of medical interventions such as infertility treatment. Many of my readers are either “baby making”, thinking about baby making – or writing, talking and teaching about baby making!!! Now – where does the sex in the baby making come in? Oh…you are doing IVF? No sex there? Well, what about your sex life outside of the doctor’s office? What is happening with that? If you are like most fertility patients after a few months of sex with no conceptions – probably not much!!

So, Valentine’s Day is coming up….and I am not going to tell you to go out to dinner and take a warm bath with bubbles. Really all that will do is relax you, feed you and clean you up! Not a bad thing…but Good Housekeeping Magazine can tell you that!!!

I am going to ask you to consider exploring a new kind of sex education that is taking hold across the country!!! In many ways – this is “New Age” out of the box sex education – and it is taking root across the country. And that kind of sex education is all about getting women in touch with their bodies and their desire! It is being taught and explored by health and sex educator’s like Alisa Vitti, the Founder and Director of Laughing Sage Wellness in NYC.

Alisa is running a very exciting working on Valentine’s Day Weekend just for women which is all about getting women in touch with their bodies and their desire. I asked Alisa about how her workshop could help women who are trying to conceive – and according to Alisa, “The process of conception for a woman involves her recognizing that she is a precious vessel. In recognizing this, she may at once also realize that there are beliefs and habits she is holding on to that prevent her from easily conceiving – her vessel is more like a over-crowded closet than a warm nurturing environment for a new life to enjoy. In this upcoming workshop, women will learn how to practice the daily art self care, self prioritization and self pleasure and we’ve found at Laughing Sage Wellness in our Natural Fertility Programs this coupled with our dietary protocols help women get pregnant faster.”

I took a look at the workshop and I want to go! This workshop is all about learning how to get more out of life and out of the time you spend in bed not sleeping! And it looked really sexy, safe and fun!!! So, visit Laughing Sage Wellness on line, read more about the workshop and spend a few hours getting in touch with your desire!

Laughing Sage Wellness in NYC is not the only place to go to have fun on Valentine’s Day Weekend to wake up your desire! How about you and your Honey taking a field trip to Babeland or Good Vibrations - two very upscale and female friendly erotic “toy stores” that are run by women! You can feel as comfortable walking into these stores as you can walking into Bloomingdales!!! And the big plus here is that no one is trying to squirt you with perfume! Both of these stores have really fun and out of the box adult education workshops! In fact on Sunday – in NYC – the day AFTER The Laughing Sage Workshop – you and your Honey can go to a “Naughty Valentine’s Day Wine and Chocolate Bash” at Babe Land in NYC – have a great time and perhaps even go home with some new ideas to brighten up your bed room!

Are you getting the idea yet? So, what if you are shy – and you think that you might want to explore – but you are not quite up to a workshop yet – or a group activity? Well, you can work one on one with a Somatic Sex Educator (think of them as “in the body” sex educators). Check them out online to learn more about Somatic Sex Educators through their Professional Association and to find a referral. Or, you can check out some of the new breed of on line sex educators that have put together really wonderful and simple video’s that you can access for not a lot of money and in the privacy of your own home. One of my personal favorites are The Pleasure Mechcanics - taught by two young women who are fabulous sex educators! And there are great books like Urban Tantra by Barbara Carrellas, and some really fun and out of the box blogs to get you thinking! Check out Susie Bright and Violet Blue!

So, are you out of that bubble bath? Have you read the articles on a women’s desire? Are you thinking about perhaps getting in touch with yours? Now that would be a Valentine’s Gift worth unwrapping!!!

Not Your Mother’s Sex Education Resource Guide:

Laughing Sage Wellness – Holistic Reproductive Health Center

Association of Somatic Sex Educators (Certified Sexolgoical Body Work) – Learn About Sexological Body Work and Find a Practitioner

Good Vibrations – Sensual and Erotic Toys, Education and Events

Babe Land – Sensual and Erotic Toy, Education and Events

The Pleasure Mechcanics – One on One Coaching – Events – On Line Educational Videos

Betty Dodson (one on one coaching and author)

Celeste and Danielle - Sex and Intimacy Coaching

The New School of Erotic Touch – Incredible On Line Library of Educational Videos, Books, Lectures

Urban Tantra By Barbara Carrellas – A great Valentine’s Day Gift – and she runs workshops!

And……two out of the box sex commentators, educators and “sex radicals” (love that phrase) who blog and you better be over 18!

Violet Blue

Susie Bright

Oh! And one more!!!

Have you ever heard of a “Cuddle Party”? Totally G rated and it is still a lot of fun!! Okay….maybe PG17.

Post Script – Are you my “Friend” on Facebook yet?  If not – “Friend” me – it is a great way to keep in touch and current of all of my writings and activities – and for me to know about yours!!!

About Pam Madsen
Talking, writing, educating and change making in the field of fertility for more than twenty years
5 total comments on this postSubmit yours
  1. Thanks for stepping out of the box and sharing! I want to put in a plug for the importance of the MEN getting in touch with their OWN authentic desire. Not only can it take themselves to a new level, but the women (and men) in their life can then be MET by them.

    Keep up the good work!

  2. What a beautiful list of possibility for Valentine’s Day. We believe that we can all learn to give and receive more pleasure and bring massage home to our lovers. Thanks, Pamela, for championing the importance of pleasure and sexual wellness for all couples, especially those of us working on fertility and growing a family. Family is grown on love, after all, and what could communicate more love than a massage?


    Christine and Charlotte

  3. Dear Ian,
    Thank you for mentioned the men!!! We don’t ever want to forget them!!!

  4. Dear Christine and Charlotte,
    I love the line in your comment “Family is grown on love, after all, and what could communicate more love than a message?”

  5. Thanks, Pamela, for assembling such an awesome resource guide, covering such a wide range of interests, individuals and organizations. As co-president of the Association of Certified Sexological Bodyworkers, I thank you for including somatic sex education in your list. I encourage readers to check out our website to learn more about the modalities we use and see if there is a Certified Sexological Bodyworker in your area.

    Linda Poelzl

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