the fertility advocate

Talking, writing, educating, and change making in the field of fertility for more than twenty years

Once upon a time, I felt sexually discarded. I didn’t feel like anyone noticed me anymore as a sexual being. Maybe it was the years of infertility treatment – the bloating from hormones, my husband and I having trysts over injections instead of red wine and inseminations at the doctor’s office!  All I knew was that my sexuality took a nose dive after I realized that fertility was not my game.

My sexuality really didn’t fully recover for a long time – even after infertility was behind me. I was a lot of things, a wife, mother, worker-bee, daughter, sister and general good doer! But a sexually being? A hottie? A Head turner? Not so much! And I once was!

Somewhere along the line I had stopped looking in the mirror and I didn’t see myself reflected back in the eyes of men anymore. I felt like nobody saw me as a sexual being anymore – and I think that perhaps that is because I stopped seeing myself as a sexual being. The fact is that I was not unattractive. I was perhaps a little too plump by societies standards, but I was not un-kempt or unattractive. But I had lost the swing to my hips.

The good news? I got it back – in spades, but it took work – and conscious effort. I even wrote a book about it.  The fact is that you don’t have to lose your sexuality in infertility. You don’t have feel sexually discarded and lost in the midst of infertility treatment and IVF cycles.

And if you feel like  your sexuality has already left the building after your last round of fertility medications – there are lots of ways to get your sexual mojo back and reclaim your sexuality. I don’t mean to sound like a twisted soccer mom here – but I believe that your pleasure is not only important – but it is a vital life force that deserves to be nurtured even in the midst of doctors, and what might feel like a time where you are not in control of your life.

Reclaiming of your sexual pleasure will not only bring joy back to your life – but to those around you! And dare I say it – I believe that it may also support your conception rates – even if you are doing IVF!

So – take a few steps to help reclaim your sexuality from the trash bin!

1. Make time for pleasure. If you don’t put the oxygen mask over your face first – you can’t help others. So make time for yourself. Put yourself at the top of the totem pole. It’s not selfish – it is necessary.

2. Reach for some help! There are some fabulous products on the market that can give your sexuality a reboot! I love Zestra for women! It’s an arousal gel. And there have been times when it has really helped me shake things up at home.

3. Be compassionate to yourself. Know that you are not alone. Other people are searching for answers too. Talk to your friends. What are they doing to help themselves recharge their batteries even in the midst of infertility?  You might be surprised if you open up the conversation! Sharing tips with friends will make you laugh and open your eyes to new possibilities.

4. Create intimacy with yourself. What can you do to remove the barriers to pleasure in your life? I think that learning to see ourselves with new eyes can change how the world sees us.



About Pam Madsen
Talking, writing, educating and change making in the field of fertility for more than twenty years
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Talking, writing, educating, and change making in the field of fertility for more than twenty years

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