the fertility advocate

Talking, writing, educating, and change making in the field of fertility for more than twenty years

This week in one of my fertility coaching sessions with one of my clients, we explored the possibility of not moving ahead with IVF, and what it would be like to stop infertility treatment.

“Sara” has a full life outside of not having children, she is in her early forties, and the pressure around going through infertility treatment on all levels (financial, physical, emotional pressures on her marriage plus feelings of  overwhelm on taking this on with a high powered job) all felt like it might be too much for her.  It wasn’t that she didn’t want a baby – Sara really does.  But what came out in our coaching session was whether or not  she was able to take this all on. In the end, Sara decided to try one cycle of IVF. But not everyone does decide to go through with medical treatment or have a child even though they want one.

Just yesterday, Melanie Notkin Founder of Savvy Auntie, published an incredibly touching blog on this very subject on Huffington Post.  The blog is called “Fertility: Should You Have a Baby on Your Own. In this blog, Melanie takes the issue from the perspective of exploring being a single mother by choice  and her choice not to be one. Melanie made this choice even though she would love to be a mother.

Melanie is right on the money in her blog. Every choice we make around having babies – or not having babies takes courage. The choice not to go ahead and have a child through infertility treatment takes the same courage to go through treatment.  The choice not to be a single mother by choice takes the same courage to be one!

Life is not without regret for any of us.   But for me – the true test is to be able to face all of our decisions with an open heart and deep presence.  Making the choice to be “Child Free” is a brave choice. It doesn’t mean that you didn’t want a child.  So many people who are childless would not be childless if life had dealt them different cards.

But for whatever the reason – a choice was made for living their best life without children.

I wanted to join Melanie Notkin, my favorite Savvy Auntie is acknowledging those brave individuals who made the choice not to have a baby or try for one , even though they deeply wanted one.

Being child free when you want a baby  IS a courageous act.




About Pam Madsen
Talking, writing, educating and change making in the field of fertility for more than twenty years
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Talking, writing, educating, and change making in the field of fertility for more than twenty years

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