The first time your doctor may mention donor eggs to you – your heart may skip a beat – or your belly may even want to empty. Women have really reported those reactions during my years as Executive Director of RESOLVE NYC, and The American Fertility Association. It really hasn’t changed much since I have been seeing Fertility Coaching clients. The first time the possibility of donor eggs may be raised – may make you feel like you have been punched in the belly.
You could be anyway in your infertility journey – in the beginning of a first consult or after the third IVF Cycle. This conversation can pop up in the most unexpected places.
And no matter when it happens – the donor egg conversation is a rough one. What it means is that what you are doing is not working – and is likely not going to work. The donor egg conversation opens up yet another great big world of research.
If you are willing to consider donor eggs – how do you find an egg donor? How do you choose one? How do you go about finding the best agency or do you go through your fertility clinic’s donor egg program? What is the difference? Do you need a surrogate too and what does that mean? There is so much to know once you move from “vanilla ivf” to the world of egg donation, surrogacy or even sperm donation. Once building a family involves more than you and your partner – it is an entirely new world.
And there are other things to consider too. If you are looking at egg donation….would you consider embryo donation or adoption? There is so much to know – and to feel! Often we start with the emotional barriers – and grieving. But once we get to the place of transition – it become all about knowing the road maps. As a Fertility Coach – I guide people through this amazing jungle. It is not easy – but there are some really good resources out there to help you explore the egg and embryo donation as well as surrogacy option if you want to do this without a fertility coach.
Here are some of my favorite go to places in the world of third party reproduction:
If you are thinking about exploring an egg donation and surrogacy program check out A Perfect Match. They are based in Southern California, but work with clients from around the world. If you are thinking about doing any kind of international third party reproduction – I highly recommend working with a reproductive attorney. One of my favorites and really the law office that created this kind of international family building legal assistance is Reproductive Law Center. The folks at Reproductive Law Center can also give you the skinny on donor sperm law, egg donor law and surrogacy law here in the United States as well.
If you are thinking about doing Embryo Donation – Please consider giving Amy Demma, Esq a call. She knows all about the parental agreements that you will need to know – to bring a baby home through embryo donation. And she is giving out free consultations.
And I would be remiss if I didn’t mention Parents Via Egg Donation! A wonderful organization created by patients for patients who are considering, doing, or parenting after egg donation.
So what is next?
Are you open to trying with donor eggs? What about surrogacy? Or embryo donation?
For many women it is about coming to terms with the fact that they want to be a mother more than they want a genetic link and they are ready to stop the madness of cycle after cycle – and try something that has a much greater chance of bringing them a baby.
I would love to hear your thoughts.