the fertility advocate

Talking, writing, educating, and change making in the field of fertility for more than twenty years

Fertility Is About More Than Conception!

I think a lot about fertility.  Often when we think about fertility our minds go right to conception. But being fertile – or living a fertile life is actually about more than conception.  It can also be about creation, sexuality, and living an abundant life.  I love living a fertile life – well past the time when I am interested in making babies.  In some ways, my life is even more fertile now that I am past my baby making years. In my world,  fertility can also be about how we move through the world – and how we feel in our bodies.  My connection to my own sexuality is also a part of being a fertile woman.  I have a sexy swing to my hips, and a skip to my step. I have found the secret sauce to living in a world of being fertile all the time. And it’s sexy.

A great way to begin to live a more fertile life for yourself is to begin to think about your relationship with your sexuality.  Have you heard about courtesans? What about being one for yourself?  It’s about taking the time to look within and connect to our own sexual core. Once we figure out how to do that – a fertile woman will develop a deeper connection to her own sexual engine and be able to take that power source out into the world for the good of her family, friends, and community.

I wrote about my own experiences in becoming a turned on woman in my memoir “Shameless, How I Ditched The Diet, Got Naked, and Somehow Got Home in Time to Cook Dinner”, but that was my journey. Every woman has her own journey. But what I  learned on my journey is that sex is a power tool.

Sex  can bring babies into the world, steal hearts, and over throw empires. So why wouldn’t we use sex to enliven, invigorate and transform our lives to a place of true fertility and abundance!  Have you forgotten about it? Or perhaps never really tapped into your own sexuality?  Sometimes, we have to rediscover our desire for it. Learn to take pleasure from it – and learn to use sex  to energize us from the inside out. The secret sauce is that our sexual energy can actually fuel our creative juices, enliven our relationships and connect us in a deeper way on our spiritual path.

Sex is pretty powerful stuff. But like the best kinds of energy available,  it is clean, sustainable and self renewing. We just have to stoke the fires once in a while!

How can you begin to tap into this magical, mystical place in your body and use it as one of the ways to feel more fertile? One of my favorite places to begin with my coaching clients (who I have taken to calling my “Client Girlfriends”) is to have them develop their own self pleasuring practice.

So many of my client girlfriends often bristle, and roll their eyes at the thought. The common refrain is “If I have to give it to myself what good is it?” or “I don’t have the time to self pleasure” or “If I give it to myself then it’s not worth very much!”

To that I say “We have to stop looking outside of ourselves for pleasure. We can’t always expect someone else to give us what we want – and if we don’t develop a self pleasuring practice how on earth are we ever go to know what we want when we are with a partner?”

That brought a light bulb moment to my clients who responded by saying “OMG. You are right. When my lover asks me what I like – I can’t tell him. I have no idea.” This beautiful woman is not alone. So many of us have no idea what truly turns us on. I believe that it is incredibly important to figure this out in order to live as a woman in full.
An easy first step to begin this journey to light our own fires, and figure out what pleases us -  is to start with a sexy, self massage. Self massage is a beautiful and self honoring way to get in touch with our own bodies. By using our own hands and taking the time to touch our bodies slowly and carefully – we can begin to stoke the fire in our bodies that may have gone out.
How to do a Sexy, Self Massage:

Materials: Massage oil, pot of very warm water, towel, candles and music of your choice.
Step 1.Place the bottle of massage oil a warm water for 5 minutes or feels warm.
Step 2. Create a place where you feel comfortable, safe and private to give yourself your sexy massage. You may want to do this in the bathroom standing on your towel as opposed to your bed because oil can stain. But if you don’t mind putting a bunch of towels on the bed – that is my favorite place. Light some candles – and put your music on.
Step 3. Squeeze the oil a little at a time into your palm and apply the oil to your body, working consciously and slowly down until your entire body is anointed with oil. Remember to breathe while you are massaging your body and if the music moves you – it is fabulous to move or sing while you are massaging. Move the energy in your body – celebrate yourself.
Step 4. Take your time and really enjoy the feeling of your own hands on your body. If you feel like masturbating or self pleasuring during your massage – you get extra points!
Step 5. Sit quietly with eyes closed for 5 minutes, breathing deeply.
Step 6. You can complete your ritual by taking a warm bath or shower.

One of the  secrets to living the life of a fertile, creative woman is by living the life of a turned on woman!  I believe that this is alive in each and everyone one of us. We just need some vitamin “P” (pleasure) to turn her on and energize her. In the world of fertility – we know that everything needs to be nourished to grow.  Think bigger when it comes to fertility – it’s not just about babies.  It’s about creating a fertile life – and that is something we can all have.

About Pam Madsen
Talking, writing, educating and change making in the field of fertility for more than twenty years
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  1. I am reading this and I am cracking up at my late teens/young 20s self! I had read Chopra’s PERFECT HEALTH and was now working for an Ayurvedic Doctor in NYC. One daily practice was to rub warm sesame oil all over yourself every morning and then to lufa all over as well. I am cracking up because…in my type A, trying to do everything “correctly” so I would get an A+ mentality I was still in at that point in my life, I never enjoyed it!!! lol I certainly didn’t “pleasure myself” through it. It was a task that needed to be done so I could get my Ayurveda A+. hahahaha awesome! Here we go again….noone talked about the sensuality of this practice. Noone pointed out what you just did. And now…it sounds like a practice I may want to reinstate and one that may, this time around, actually balance my doshas rather than just stoking up my Pitta imbalance….lol. Thank you Pamela, yet again!

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