the fertility advocate

Talking, writing, educating, and change making in the field of fertility for more than twenty years

Resources for Living with Uncertain Outcomes

Life is just filled with uncertainty. You have heard the expression “Life can change in a heart beat!”  – and we all know that to be true. One moment – we are sailing on top of the world and in the next a huge wave could come and knock us down filling out eyes, ears, nose and throat with sand.  The good news is that the wave usually comes back and pulls the sand with, and we have found that we have some how survived.

I love that story. Pema Chodron tells it in her new audio book “Unconditional Confidence: Instructions for Meeting Any Experience with Trust and Confidence. I highly recommend it! Lately there is a lot of wisdom floating around – all geared to helping us surrender into the unknown. Perhaps it is unstable economy – or the bizarre weather.  Or perhaps, there are too many people in the midst of an IVF Cycle in the world right now!  I really don’t know.

But I love this new blog by Kate Northrup, on her blog – The Freedom Tour called “It’s Not Going to Turn Out The Way You Thought”. Kate pins it down exactly in her blog (and please go read the entire thing!)….

“You won’t get that dream job like you thought you would. It will go to someone else with far less creative drive and vision than you. Someone far better suited for a cubicle than you.

You’ll be put in groups with people who put your panties in a wrinkle. You’ll sit next to someone on the plane who you’d never talk to except that they won’t shut up…and you’ll end up staying in touch for years and taking family vacations together.”

Because that is just how life works….

Really it is about our own ability to find our inner resilience – to stay the course of our dreams while allowing ourselves to be flexible enough to move with the shifting tides.

This is a practice.  I am not saying that we are not allowed our own disappointments. Yesterday – I tried like a five year old baby – great big sucking breaths of tears because what I thought was going to happen – wasn’t happening the way that I thought.  I felt such heart break.  So, I bought a Red Velvet Cupcake – and then just looked at it – instead of eating it. It wasn’t about drowning my disappointment in food – it needed to be about my ability to shift on the winding road – and believe in the out come I still couldn’t see.

Infertility is like that too.  That is why it is often called a roller coaster ride.  Fertility treatments, curve right and left with lots of dark tunnels. You just have to believe that where ever the train stops – that is where you are meant to land.

Even Oprah has some advice for dealing with our dreams and letting go of outcome – so drink it all in and breathe a lot! This is life. Whether you are going through infertility, or any other life passage. It’s all about believing in our own sustainability. The belief that we need to hold deep inside ourselves – that where ever we land, it is the perfect place.

About Pam Madsen
Talking, writing, educating and change making in the field of fertility for more than twenty years
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Talking, writing, educating, and change making in the field of fertility for more than twenty years

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