It’s been almost a month now since The American Fertility Association made public its stance on men, lies, sex, sexually transmitted diseases and compromised fertility. The gist of The AFA’s platform, first articulated by its Program Director and then reiterated by the Executive Director is pretty much a simple one: “Girls, guard your loins from male predators who will do just about anything, like telling whoppers, to get in your pants.”
It’s men, according to The AFA, who don’t give a darn about STDs and your chances of having a baby some day if it means sex. The back up for this public service message of one-sided blame-laying was not only Dr. Richard Grazi of Brooklyn IVF but also Dr. Albrecht from Conceptions Reproductive Associates. He shared at a recent Manicures and Martini event in Denver that he taught this important lesson to his own daughter in a recent parent-child talk about sexuality.
Thank you for clearing that up for all us. It is good that we all now know that the official statement of sexuality and men of The AFA is that men lie to get sex. I have got to say that I continue to be disappointed. This is not about a man giving his personal views to his daughter in the privacy of their home – this is about official messaging of a national patient organization to the community.
Let’s be real here. PEOPLE lie to get sex. PEOPLE lie to get lots of other things too. It is unfortunate that the point of view taken in the “men lie” theory is that men are unscrupulous when it comes to wanting sex and women are basically innocent victims.
Women are not victims and simply recipients of sexual advances. Women are often active participants when it comes to initiating sex. We women have the same responsibilities as men when it comes to sexual behavior, fertility preservation and baby making. No one is contending here that STDs aren’t a problem or they can’t have a lasting negative impact on fertility. Especially not me. I began the this particular branch of public education at The AFA. I get it.
If we can teach both men and women that they need to take responsibility for their own sexual behaviors we will prevent a great deal of pain and suffering. But the message here is wrong, full of prejudice and completely misses the point. If we’re playing the blame game, we better make sure everybody has a seat at the table.
The core of problem is the lack of honest public discourse about sexuality. At the end of the day laying blame is just a waste of time. What we really need to be devoting ourselves to is developing a compassionate view of our own human sexuality and encouraging honest public discourse about innate sexual drive, socially acceptable behavior, morality and personal responsibility. Let’s face it, without that, we’re left with finger-pointing and a lot of people acting badly.