It’s been almost a month now since The American Fertility Association made public its stance on men, lies, sex, sexually transmitted diseases and compromised fertility. The gist of The AFA’s platform, first articulated by its Program Director and then reiterated by the Executive Director is pretty much a simple one: “Girls, guard your loins from male predators who will do just about anything, like telling whoppers, to get in your pants.”
It’s men, according to The AFA, who don’t give a darn about STDs and your chances of having a baby some day if it means sex. The back up for this public service message of one-sided blame-laying was not only Dr. Richard Grazi of Brooklyn IVF but also Dr. Albrecht from Conceptions Reproductive Associates. He shared at a recent Manicures and Martini event in Denver that he taught this important lesson to his own daughter in a recent parent-child talk about sexuality.
Thank you for clearing that up for all us. It is good that we all now know that the official statement of sexuality and men of The AFA is that men lie to get sex. I have got to say that I continue to be disappointed. This is not about a man giving his personal views to his daughter in the privacy of their home – this is about official messaging of a national patient organization to the community.
Let’s be real here. PEOPLE lie to get sex. PEOPLE lie to get lots of other things too. It is unfortunate that the point of view taken in the “men lie” theory is that men are unscrupulous when it comes to wanting sex and women are basically innocent victims.
Women are not victims and simply recipients of sexual advances. Women are often active participants when it comes to initiating sex. We women have the same responsibilities as men when it comes to sexual behavior, fertility preservation and baby making. No one is contending here that STDs aren’t a problem or they can’t have a lasting negative impact on fertility. Especially not me. I began the this particular branch of public education at The AFA. I get it.
If we can teach both men and women that they need to take responsibility for their own sexual behaviors we will prevent a great deal of pain and suffering. But the message here is wrong, full of prejudice and completely misses the point. If we’re playing the blame game, we better make sure everybody has a seat at the table.
The core of problem is the lack of honest public discourse about sexuality. At the end of the day laying blame is just a waste of time. What we really need to be devoting ourselves to is developing a compassionate view of our own human sexuality and encouraging honest public discourse about innate sexual drive, socially acceptable behavior, morality and personal responsibility. Let’s face it, without that, we’re left with finger-pointing and a lot of people acting badly.
.
Loading...
Laurie Gordon
May 14, 2009
Well put, Pam! It’s one of the stranger public service messages I’ve heard and definitely seems a far cry from a “policy” on fertility.
Maybe I shouldn’t have to read between the line to get the message but isn’t the bottom line that we each need to be responsible for our own fertility which can be affected/compromised by our lifestyle choices, out environment and the men we have relations with?
Corey
May 26, 2009
I think what the doc’s point on this was that we as wommen need to take care of our bodies because nobody else is going to do it for us. I’m in my late twenties(closer to 30 then twenty)and if I knew then what I know now my fertility situation might be more favorable then what it is today. Many STD’s when carried by the male partner accept for warts I think have no visual symptoms or signs to indicate an infection. I grew up in an era where this mysterious thing that we now call AIDS came about and with it the endless Troijan ads on MTV. I knew what a rubber was for before I knew the basis for the Constitution. There is a sad and alarming trait amongst teens and young adults they are not using condoms and some unwise gals are not insisting on it, they think if they got birth control they are covered. Some youth even think that as long as it’s not “trational sex” they are ok, wich still leaves both parties open to a whole nasty slew of STD’s. We as females need to know our partners and be absolutely certian that if condoms are not to be used that STD testing will be done on both parties regularly. I was so stupid in my late teens and early to mid twenties I married to early and had a husband who cheated I never found out about the cheating until almost a year into our marriage durring that time I’d had unprotected married intercourse with him, if he wasen’t going to be faithful I insisted he use protection he did not want to use anything so i refused to be intimate in an effort to preserve my health. Who know’s if my ex’s filandering caused my infertility? I may never know but I have a hunch.
It was not until I took a Anat&Phys. couse in college that the prof. discussed how easily and often times silently the female reproductive tract can become seceptible to infection wich can cause silent complications that lead to infertility. Often in some cases of STD’s the male partner may have vauge or mild symptoms or he may deny them all together. We as wommen must insist on protection there is even a female version of a condom wich is widely availiable now and can be easily used by the female party, the fella often does not realize she is using protection until the act is done. If we won’t look out for ourselves who will?