Murgdan the fertility blogger who writes her blog at Conceive This! and at Fertility Authority is pregnant after infertility, and under fire. Or so it seems from her recent blog “Oil and Water”. What Murgdan is dealing with is as old as infertility – and I have written about what we folks who are trying to conceive do to our own when they become pregnant. It’s not often pretty.
Instead of just celebrating this pregnancy – Murgdan is having to deal with all of the reactions of her readership which is mixed and varied. From jealously to the “pain game” of who has suffered the longest and therefore “deserving” of a baby. Just reading this made my stomach crawl with memories of having to feel shame over my own pregnant belly years ago at a RESOLVE NYC conference that I was Chairing. I was encouraged to hide my belly to the best of my ability – and leave as quickly as possible after my opening remarks that were suppose to be about explaining my pregnant bulge so that the audience would know that I suffered long and hard enough to have earned it.
In other disease groups we celebrate survivor-ship. The ones that made it and beat the odds. In infertility, too often our own patient community turns our backs at our own survivors who are still coping in a world on uncertainity.
The infertile who become pregnant often don’t feel like they belong in either world. Not the fertilie or the infertile. They have to step on egg shells around their TTC friends – and often don’t have the easy, breezy feeling of pregnancy that people who conceive through S.E.X. have.
The folks who are flaming Murgdan really need to get a life. Back off – and go away. Her pregnancy will not replace yours. There are no last miracles – life just does not work that way. She is in the midst of her own experience of the newly pregnant after infertility. It is a wild ride – and you may want to come along for it – or not. But as Murgdan writes – it is her blog. It is a reflection of what she is going through – and I hope that she continues to write from her heart without censor. You may no longer be interested in her blog as it evolves into the Murgdan that she is becoming. And it is fine to move on. As for the rest of us – I am not leaving Murgdan right now. She needs her friends now more than she ever has.