the fertility advocate

Talking, writing, educating, and change making in the field of fertility for more than twenty years

It’s ironic, but while some people are trying to conceive – their sexy light actually goes off! What could be a time of red hot love making, can sometimes become a time of tired bored and stressful sex.  It’s not fair.

So many women have asked me how to get their sexy on - in their own bodies. They want to know how they can turn themselves on! Do they need a partner? Can they relight their own pilot light? Can they feel sexy even when things are going wrong with their bodies such as infertility?

How can they raise their own sexual desire up a notch or two? They want to feel better in their own bodies. And they want to do it without sitting on a therapist couch. I get it. And I have some ideas and even an upcoming workshop and tele-seminar focused right on this subject! Of course I do!


So let me get you started right now! What do you know about Burlesque? Frankly, I knew just about nothing about it except that it was some kind of old fashioned stripping. I had no idea that it could be a tool of embodiment, self pleasure, and a libido lifter! Oh yeah – taking a Burlesque class can help you get your sexy on! I stumbled over it quite by accident on my Shameless book tour.

I had a quiet afternoon in Seattle – and there was a inexpensive class being offered.
I don’t know if it was the music, or the opportunity to take up sexual space (burlesque is all about big sexy movements) and turning on my siren energy – but I was getting hotter and hotter with every shimmy and shake. I loved “Knocking over the Tea Cups” with every swing of my hips. After the class I felt so damn sexy – and good about my body. It was amazing.


I started to go to a few Burlesque Shows while I was on the road reading and running workshops from city to city – and I got to see the fabulous Coca Lectric and Indigo Blue. I loved the costumes – and all of the body types being celebrated. Wow – I thought! How come I didn’t know about this before? I couldn’t believe how sexy I felt both participating in a beginner’s class and watching the women on stage. It was an eye opener for me! Best of all – it was open to all. Even you!

Before I knew it – I was at S Factor in Chicago ( S Factor has studios in LA and NYC too). And another light bulb went on in my head! I toured the studios and fell in love with Sheila Kelley’s concept of pole dancing to help women find their inner erotic creature! Oh my! They were talking my language! I loved that there were no mirrors in the studio – and the lights were dimmed. This was about feeling sexy from the inside out! This was about embodiment! Oh yeah – S Factor had lots of sexy clothes for sale (at reasonable prices) – but they were there to turn YOURSELF on!

How many times have I talked about dressing sexy for our own sexual engines! The staff was incredibly warm and supportive and came in all shapes and sizes! Don’t let the gorgeous S Factor founder intimidate you with her amazing body – she got there from the inside out – and is making all comers feel welcome! I am ready to start pole dancing in NYC!

Look, I practice what I preach – in fact you will find me this Thursday night at Kitty Caviler’s School of Charm and Cheek! It’s an open class that requires a reservation but no experience! Do you live in the NYC area? Will I see you there?

I know several women who are now dancing tango to turn themselves on, a few are experimenting with yoga while others are listening to sexy guided meditations, and still others are experimenting with arousal gels such as Zestra.

The best way to find  that sexy light inside of ourselves is through  true orgasmic blissful self acceptance – and charging up our sexual core as an engine to power the rest of our lives. It’s not about him ladies – it’s about you!

There are a lot of tips in this blog – which ones will you try?

About Pam Madsen
Talking, writing, educating and change making in the field of fertility for more than twenty years
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Talking, writing, educating, and change making in the field of fertility for more than twenty years

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