I have two sons that almost were not because I was diagnosed with infertility.  But I was blessed with a resilient spirit and being alive at exactly the right time - during the birth of Assisted Reproductive Medicine in The United States. Our first son, Tyler was born through Gamete Intrafallopian Transfer (GIFT) a procedure that is hardly ever done anymore.  It was my first “high tech” procedure after six cycles with an injectable fertility medication that is also not available anymore called Pergonal.

At one time, Pergonal was the only fertility medication on the market outside of Clomid.  There was no recombinant medication, no sub cue needles or special delivery devices. Life as a fertility patient was filled with less choices. There were only three IVF Centers in NY when I began my treatment.  Times were different - IVF was still a miracle and patients more or less did what we were told and were grateful for the opportunity simply to get a chance to try.  So much as changed in the field of reproductive medicine since I was a patient that it really staggers the mind.  Tyler is now 21 years old, and he is no longer a boy - he is a beautiful young man who is graduating Parson’s School of Design this year with a degree in Technology and Design.

His younger brother Spencer is graduating high school this year. Spencer was born as a result of a failed IVF cycle. We had left over frozen embryos - and he came from the freezer.  Using the frozen embryos made us terribly nervous. We were one of the first pregnancies in NYC from a frozen embryo. We went on blind trust.  Spencer was one of the most beautiful babies I had ever seen and starting life as a frozen embryo hasn’t seemed to have held him back in anyway. He is now 17 and loves to ride his bike.  In fact, what he really loves to do is to buy bicycles off of Craigs List - fix them up and resell them at a profit. Such a smart boy!

Both of my kids are still at home at home with Kai and I, and they still share a room together.  But I know that those days are now numbered. I love getting up on Sunday morning and making them French Toast and bacon - they won’t be home on Sunday mornings for very much longer  - and I am enjoying these last few moments of really being able to mother them in the ways that are left to me.

Life is not so fancy at the Madsens.  It never has been.  But we have always been IN life together.  My kids from a very young age supported my work as a fertility advocate and they both became one of the first spokes people for kids conceived through fertility treatments.

Getting Ready to Speak for the Bertarelli Foundation on IVF Children

That opportunity to speak on behalf of children conceived through Assisted Reproductive Technology took them around the world. They spoke on a panel of IVF Children for the Bertarelli Foundation in Switzerland when they were still quite young, on their point of view in being a child conceived through assisted reproductive technologies.  That opportunity lead to countless others where they were interview by media outlets around the world from this segment on  Frontline to this great little piece on  MSNBC.  Whenever we needed the face of  IVF Kids - such as to give an award on behalf of the children conceived through IVF to Professor Robert Edwards at The Kokopelli Ball - my kids were the ones doing the talking.

Tyler and Spencer Madsen with Professor Edwards

I cannot express how proud my sons have made me as they stepped up into the role of advocate. Recently they participated in a long interview with Newsweek Magazine that hasn’t hit the stands yet. Just like me,  they are still at it - if I beg!

But they aren’t little boys anymore - they are men.  They run down stairs to carry up my groceries when I pull my car up in front of the apartment building, hold down part time jobs, and have girlfriends.  Tyler is talking about getting his own apartment next year after graduation and getting off the family dole.  It’s hard to believe that my beautiful boys that I once thought would never be in my arms are now getting ready to leave them.

When I think about it all - my long difficult experience with infertility treatments when the science was just being born,  my difficult pregnancies and the birth of my babies, the challenges of raising my young children while leading a growing non profit organization -  it was just like it was yesterday.

Spencer and Tyler Madsen protesting for IVF Coverage in NYS with the Rosenthal and Berger Families

And those times are filled with precious memories for me - even the tough stuff that life is often filled with. I would trade none of it.

I remain incredibly grateful to the men and women that helped make my family possible. As my young men are getting ready to leave the nest - I know deep in my heart that I wouldn’t have missed this for the world. When I ask my kids what it has all meant to them - being IVF Kids - In the end it has meant very little to them.  They tell me that except when they are asked to do an interview - being humans conceived through the help of reproductive medicine is not something that they think about. They don’t feel any different - and knowing that they were conceived through the help of medical technology doesn’t worry them in any way.  Yes - they are grateful to be here - and they are aware that without the help of reproductive science that very likely they wouldn’t be. But beyond that?  Tyler and Spencer don’t think about the circumstances of their own conception at all……

Except perhaps when they stumble upon themselves as young boys on line from an old interview that they once did as a young patient advocate in the field of infertility.

Tyler, Pamela and Spencer Madsen

Posted under Fertility, Fertility Education, Fertility Medications, Fertility Support, Frozen Embryos, IVF, Parenting After Infertility, patient advocacy