We live in a country that is one of the most conflicted when it comes to sex. We lay it all out there - you know the term - sex sells. But you better be careful if you buy!  We say that sexual orientation and gender does not matter - yet we are obsessed with gender and our legal system continues to discriminate against same sex couples in a land known for sexual openness - California. I remain stunned that Prop 8 Stands. Yet Iowa gets it? Our society is positively schizophrenic when it comes to anything to do with sex.

I visited the Museum of Sex last week while I was on vacation - and they have this really cool exhibition about animals and sexuality. I was fascinated. I actually didnt’ know that animals have a sex life! It is not just about reproduction for them. They enjoy sex - and many enjoy self pleasuring - even tortoises! Now why am I talking about this? Well - so many of the animals are sexually fluid in their expression of sexuality and gender.

It is common for many animals to engage to in all kinds of pairings for sexual pleasure.  And even in raising their young. There was this great true story about these two male Chinstrap Penguins who live in New York’s Central Park Zoo - who for six years formed a same sex couple. In the museum - it talked about a children’s book that was written about these penguins called “And Tango Makes Three”.

The book follows part of this time in the penguins’ lives. The pair were observed trying to hatch a rock that resembled an egg. When zookeepers realized that Roy and Silo were both male, it occurred to them to give them the second egg of a mixed-sex penguin couple, a couple which had previously been unable to successfully hatch two eggs at once. Roy and Silo hatched and raised the healthy young chick, a female named “Tango” by keepers, together as a family. It is an incredible story. And do you know what?

The book has won many awards but also been at the center of numerous censorship and debates on same-sex marriage,  adoption and homosexuality in animals. The American Library Association reports that And Tango Makes Three was the most challenged book of 2006, 2007, and 2008. Surprising? Not so much. After all - Prop 8 still stands in California.

Change can take a long time. That is what we know - that is what we have seen.  And we know that change can happen if you can just live long enough to see it.  Unfortunately, children are only children for a short time.  You can’t reclaim your childhood. And one little penguin chick was hatched in NYC because a two male penguins were given the opportunity to form a family! Can we do that for people?

We still live in a country where even in the most liberal of states - Gay people and unmarried straight people cannot adopt or be foster parents. In the shadows of the passage of Prop 8 in California, another proposition was quietly passed in the fine state of Arkansas (Act 1), making Gay people or unmarried straight couples ineligible to adopt or foster children.  Now, if you are single - and have many casual sexual partners - that is fine. You can still adopt or be a foster parent. I guess it is the “living in sin” part that is objectionable - not the coming and going of sex partners that is offensive to the fine people in Arkansas.

And you can also have a criminal record including contributing to the delinquency of a minor - that is fine too! You can adopt or be a foster parent. 

But be in a committed relationship and be unmarried - gay or straight - and you are unfit to guide a child into adulthood.

What is going on here? Why are we taking some of the best homes out of the running for these children? Would the state of Arkansas truly rather place a child in the home of a single person with a criminal record rather a lesbian couple who is law abiding, and can offer a safe, loving and stable environment for a child?

Sometimes, it feels like we are talking into the wind. How can you reason with bigotry? Yet we have in the past haven’t we?  The United States of America has just elected our first  African American President.  Now it is time to give all American their civil rights - and allow our children to have the best opportunities available for a loving and stable home. It is time to put children, love,  and families before prejudice.

Perhaps it is time to learn from the animal kingdom.

Posted under Fertility, Gay Marriage, LGBT Family Building